Posted by A Guy in Virginia on February 14, 2001 at 11:39:20:
In Reply to: Re: Re: Re: Re: Women in orchestras posted by Aubrey Foard on February 14, 2001 at 01:09:31:
Aubrey asks, "Have we been reduced to scorning someone
for complimenting someone else's looks?"
I'm afraid the answer is "yes" for many women. Most women enjoy compliments, but some don't, and seem especially threatened by them. It's true of men, too, actually, but it doesn't come up as often because women don't talk about such things except to themselves.
Watch any edition of "The View" or "Oprah" and you'll hear multitudinous discussions of male good looks. Those who would complain about an innocent statement like Aubrey's should consider which they want: 1.) Nobody compliments anybody for fear of diminishing their earned accomplishments (as if musical talent is any less a gift of the Creator than good looks--both enhanced by hard work), or 2.) men and women alike compliment each other, with the hope that people will say "thank you" and move on.
One of the lessons of modern life, especially true in the liberal and fine arts, is learning how to distinguish between women who tend to No. 1 and those to tend to No. 2. The first is safer, but less friendly, in my view.