Posted by Daryl on March 11, 2003 at 22:50:40:
In Reply to: Re: Getting back on the horse posted by Sean Chisham on March 11, 2003 at 20:15:53:
I am trying to not take myself too seriously about the music career and especially no longer baseing my self worth on my next audition.
Wow, did you hit the nail on the head there.
One of the formative moments in which I decided to refocus my energy away from playing came when I was trying to decide to do next after obtaining my MM; the point in which I *should* have been playing at a world class level according to my expectations (right after curing cancer and feeding the starving nations, of course). I knew that if I auditioned for the DMA program at MSU I probably wouldn't get in, and I knew that would hurt since I had been working my a$$ off there for the last two years. So, to figure out what the next most logical step in my career should be, I imagined my dream job - Chicago Symphony. I imagined it in as great a detail as I could, down to smelling the dust burning on the stage lights. I realized how I felt - TERRIFIED. Not excited, not complete, I felt TERRIFIED. And I realized that I felt terrified all the time - at wind symphony rehearsals, during my lessons, at studio class..anytime I had a horn stuck in my face I was totally afraid that I was going to make a fool out of myself and screw everything up. And more often than not, I did. So, I bailed out to get some perspective.
I have a great job, a wonderful family.........I'm noticing some parallels here...:)
Thanks for your thoughts.
Daryl