Re: Raising a family while being a musician


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Posted by Doug Kilen on May 22, 2001 at 22:50:22:

In Reply to: Raising a family while being a musician posted by Tubanator on May 22, 2001 at 20:07:49:

Very tricky subject. I was married to a non-musician for over 6 years, then divorced. I'm now a single full-time parent to my two boys ages 5 and 6, and life is very busy. Our marriage had many problems, but I would be lying if I said music was not one of them. Music takes time... time to practice, time to rehearse (usually in the evenings), time to perform (again, evenings), and and a lot of energy. These are not easy things for some significant others to live with, even if we try our hardest to put family first and respect the other. It just takes a lot of time and committment.
Being single for the last few years, and dating a little, I've found that the biggest barrier comes up in the area of musical taste. A non-musician who enjoys classical music, symphony concerts, public radio, etc., is a gift from God Himself. The lady I've been seeing for the last year plus falls into this category. She's very supportive, even of my practice time. On the other end of the spectrum, a non-musician who dislikes classical music is very hard to connect with. Of course these are just my opinions, but I love to spend time around home listening to music without headphones, listening to public radio in the car, and doing a symphony or band concert as a date, and I would feel that a relationship was lacking if I couldn't do that with my significant other. There's just no substitute for that.
I know several musicians who are happily married and have been that way for a long time. I know others who have had quite a bit of trouble making a 'match' because of their career, and I think I'm one of them. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with my girlfriend becuase she is everything I'm looking for, especially her support of what I do with music.
Yes, to get to the point, I think it's possible to have a successful relationship with a non-musician -- it just proves to be a very challenging endeavor.
For what it's worth...

Doug



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