Posted by Doug on November 21, 2001 at 22:54:41:
In Reply to: Please Indulge Me (***LONG***) posted by Dave on November 21, 2001 at 15:24:11:
Hey
Im in a different yet similar situation.
I am a high school student (a senior) and I have for the past two years been experiencing what i guess is the high school equivalent to a "burn out." i found that my problem comes from the fact that I am a perfectionist. Unfortunately, i am an impatient perfectionist. I am easily upset by mistakes. I practice a peice and miss a note--the session is ruined. I have to wait and cool off and restart. Last week in particular i pulled out my all state etude and just for the heck of it decided to rip right through it a the full tempo and it was the best i ever played it. Except i missed one octave leap, went from a G to an F instead of G to G. When i do something like that its the same sensation as having your foot stuck in quicksand right as you discover your pants are too tight put you cant reach them because your hands are scratching an itch on your head that doesnt go away and then you realize everyone is watching you (whew).
This frustration has had some good effects. I am a LOT better than i used to be, and i learn very quickly what mistakes NOT to do. However, this mostly hurts in an audition, when I hit sight reading and i am generally regarded as a VERY good sight reader but i miss one samll technical thing and i may be the only one who notices but it does it and the whole thing is shot.
The burn out, though, comes from my perfectionism affecting my attitude towards our band as a whole. In a symphonic band of 60 students, i guess maybe 35 care if they are there or not, and maybe 25 tops are even decent on their instrument. Two good piccolo players can't cover up three out of tune players. One good clarinetist can't cover all three clarinet parts. Nothing can hide the lack of an oboe player. One baritone player cannot provide enough sound to cover for three trombonists who cant play loud or high or in tune or with correct posture, not to mention different parts. Two bass clarinets cant cover the tuning problems in the tenor saxes. Two good trumpet players out of 9 cant cover all of the diffferent trumpet and cornet parts. A tympani and snare drum cannot cover cymbals that are a half beat late or early every time. And the two tuba players (me included) are not perfect either. Add five horns ho play loud and out of tune and we have a disaster. And this is the symphonic band.
We have 4 concerts to play int he next 3 weeks. And we suck. There is no ther way to describe it.
The only way i ever have fun making music is at district and all state band (i finally made it one year) and stuff like UGA's JanFest, and then of course at my house in private.
Before i knew how to remedy such situations, i had been in such a band for so long that my musical development has been retarded by at least three years. People at school tell me i am among the best musicians in the band, but i as a senior feel that I am only playing at a 9-10th grade level. Pursuing any degree in music in college is out for me, i know that i am not good enough. I will still play and have fun making music, but the aspect of ever centering my life around it was ruined by my high school experience.
Sorry for going on and on, and im sure this my be a little off topic, but ive been wanting to say that for some time
Thanks for reading
Doug "frustrated at the stupidity of my peers" G