Posted by Joe Baker on April 19, 2001 at 14:19:38:
In Reply to: In-laws posted by Frustrated on April 19, 2001 at 00:35:28:
Be wise. Your wife will always be their daughter, and you can't damage them without damaging your wife and your marriage. Sometimes this can't be helped, and I'm not suggesting that you give them Carte Blanche to run your life, but be sure you've LISTENED to everything they've said. When you have considered their words carefully, if you still believe going is the thing to do, you will know how to answer their objections because you have answered them for yourself. As a parent, I frequently get frustrated, not because my kids make a decision I disagree with, but because they don't seem to have even CONSIDERED the things I've said. So be ready to demonstrate that you REALLY HAVE considered their objections. Then, divide and conquer. Who is the driving force in this marriage? You and your wife get with the power-parent, and have a heart to heart. Acknowledge the merit in their concerns (there *will* be some), thank them for caring so deeply, assure them that the relationship will be maintained (I didn't say 'unchanged', and gently explain why you have come to a conclusion different than theirs. That's impossible), and tell them exactly HOW it will be maintained. Once this one is convinced, he/she will overcome the objections of the other parent.
If you can't EVER get their blessing, be sure that you don't say anything rude, even if they DO. Just keep repeating to yourself, "these are my true love's parents; I can't hurt them without hurting her".
Best wishes, whatever you do!
Joe "Great relationship with his Mother-In-Law" Baker